Around 4:30 pm I was fully dilated but baby G was still high. My doctor wanted me to start pushing to see if the baby would come down. With the epidural I was feeling nothing, not a single contraction. I could feel my legs and even move them a little but no pain at all. I thought that was a good thing. They informed, though, that to be able to push I needed to feel the contractions. At least a little bit. They lowered the doses but I was still feeling nothing. So the bad news came. They had to stop the epidural completely so I could feel the contractions and push.
I think it was then when my concentration and calmness fell apart. I was already a little nervous when they told me they had to lower the epidural. Now they had to stop it. Really? That meant I was going to feel all the contractions again. That unbearable pain was coming back. I wanted to cry. I felt so helpless.
Once the epidural wore off completely they made me push. And it was a disaster. I was so out of focus because of the pain. I couldn't concentrate and push correctly. I was pushing with my face. The mister, my mom and nurses were trying to coach me, but I couldn't do it. I felt I couldn't do it. After a couple of tries I felt so weak. All I could think was I didn't know how to do it. I felt I couldn't go on. I felt I didn't have the strength. I wanted to give up. But then I thought about my baby. I've never experienced such a feeling in my life!
After almost an hour of unsuccessful pushing, baby G had not come down enough. My doctor told me a C-Section was the best option. In fact, it was the only option. My heart just broke right there. That was not in my plans. A C-Section? After all that work? I didn't even read that part of my book! It never crossed my mind. For some reason I felt I was cheating. I felt that wasn't how it was supposed to be. Tears starting rolling down my face. I knew it was the only way for my baby to come out but still I couldn't stop crying. My dad, who was there all this time {he's a ob-gyn himself} said it was for the best, that it was going to be fine. But still I was so scared. And very disappointed. I couldn't stop crying.
They had everything ready in just minutes. Soon I had the mister by my side and a blue sheet in front of me. The anesthesiologist guided me through the surgery which made things a little less scarier. As the anesthesia started to kicked in, I got some side effects. I got the chills and couldn't stop shaking. It was definitely not how I pictured I would welcome my baby to this world.
Even though I didn't feel any pain, I could feel the doctors operating. It was so weird. Finally the anesthesiologist announced baby G was about to come out. Few seconds later I heard everyone gasping and ohhing. For a second I thought there was something wrong. But then I heard him crying. And I started crying myself. Again. This time tears of joy. The mister was able to see him right away and hold him after he was checked. I just got a quick glimpse of him and couldn't hold him after many hours later {which made me really sad} but I was ecstatic to know he was here! He arrived!
What happened? Why all the gasping? Well G was a big, big baby! He was born at 9 pounds, 14 1/2 pounces, 22 inches. And with a full head of dark, black hair!!!
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| {baby G is here!} |
He was born big, healthy and strong. He had this perfect pink color and his crying was so loud, oh my, very loud!. He got an Aspgar score of 8 at one minute and 9 at 5 minutes! {Sorry I just had to show off!} Because of the C-section, my plans on skin to skin contact and breastfeeding immediately couldn't happen. I finally held my baby almost three hours after my surgery. He did latched immediately but my milk supply hadn't come yet. So it was a rough start. He had low blood sugar levels and needed to be given formula and spent a couple of days in the NICU unit.
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| {G & mommy - our first picture together} |
The following days were a mix of happiness and exhaustion. I didn't sleep much at all during those first fours days, but holding my baby made everything right.
The first weeks at home, I'm not going to lie, were not easy. I was going through a range of emotions that later I knew it was a case of the baby blues {I didn't read that part of my book, either. I think I'm almost ready to talk about it soon}. Also, breastfeeding was very challenging but somehow we succeeded and I nursed him until he was about 10 months old.
I still stare at my baby when I'm rocking him to sleep and think about how amazing it is. He was in my belly, a little tiny dot at first and then he is in my arms. Amazing. I feel incredibly blessed and thankful for this little angel that has brought so much joy to our family.
We love you with all our hearts gordo hermoso!
It's been an incredible year!
